Blog
Whisper.
He leaned in close, his voice like raw silk, his breath in my ear, my breath catching in my throat as he whispered “You’ve been teasing me all night, haven’t you?â€This man, a stranger who hadn’t taken strange liberties up until that point, held me transfixed with his voice alone, so intimate, so close only I…
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The Prime Directive — It’s Not Just For Starfleet
When you look at “Power Exchange†relationships – that is, relationships that are based on someone giving over control of some facet (or all aspects!) of their lives to another person – it seems obvious whose needs, wants and desires come first. The master over the slave, the dominant over the submissive, top over the…
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Three Tips for the New Kink Explorer!
I was recently asked by a publication for some quick tips and advice for couples interested in exploring BDSM to kink up bedroom play. I doubt the journalist will use the entirety of what I wrote…space constraints and all…but these three points are, I feel important for those just dipping their toes into the wild & wonderful world of BDSM. Here’s my quick-n-dirty recommendations for…
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From The Archives: “Feeling Safe in Feeling Human”
[Originally Posted in the fall of 2011, my thinking on submission and what it means to me now has motivated me to dig back and see what it meant to me then.] “The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.†~Buddha As a submissive – someone who…
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Beware hunger.
I know quite a bit about appetites. I have some that surprise me in their violence, and others that embarrass me in their gluttonousness. My appetite for oblivion slid me about as far as someone can go before the tipping point into lethal alcoholism. And my sexual appetites are ones I control for fear of…
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Why I am officially a Cannon Fan.
I’m not often asked to play. I don’t wanna dive into the reasons for that, because I have a Demon who loves to chew idly on the deepest recesses of my guts by idly speculating it is because I’m a fat dowdy blowhard that no one really wants, anyway. Most of the time I don’t…
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On Blind Trust & Gut Instinct.
I’ve been around and publically doing my thing with kinky folks since I walked into my first Munch in San Francisco around 1996. Prior to that, I’d spent three years figuring out why this One Guy had managed to dig the fuck inside me and turn my head & heart all the way around. In…
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One month in one post and…GO!
When one falls behind in something, it is often difficult to catch up. Falling behind, feeling overwhelmed, and then getting hit repeatedly with One Thing After Another can leave a Negress feeling…well. Like there is no way to really do justice to everything, so why bother? Well, that’s a shit attitude and the expectations I…
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National Leather Association International Awards? Why yes, I would be most honored!
Greetings from Sweden…where I’m in bed having my ass kicked by my very first ever combo sinus-throat-ear infection. Sinus and throat infections I’ve had before but the ear thing is new and I had no idea how awful they can be. Add to that I’m in a beautiful country with awesome, kinky folks who have…
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Dropping in to London!
I am on my way over to Europe for the Stockholm Fetish Week and I will be popping over to London to see what kinky mischief I can make! I will be at the Sh! Women’s Store on May 15th, 16th & 17th teaching three classes and would love to see you there! There will…
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Sinful Sunday: Oracle’s crop.
I was able to attend the International Ms Leather contest last week and for the main event, I did myself up in my pony garb. I am still getting used to showing up places in that character, and it took me quite a while to get comfortable with that facet of my kink. I am…
Read MoreTheGrio tackles “Race Play…” rather well, actually!
I was contacted recently by award-winning journalist Alexis Stodghill, writing from an MSNBC e-mail address and on the staff of TheGrio.com. She asked me if I’d be interested in answering a few questions about BDSM, specifically race play, since I’d been quoted in a column that is getting a whole lot of talk and that touches on that topic. The column, a response…
Read MoreSmall Pool Problems.
In the midst of some pretty intense discussion of d/s and M/S stuff, a friend asked – Her:Â So, who IS TheDominantGuy, really? Me:Â His actual fake name is [REDACTED] Her:Â OhMyGod I met him at ___ a few years back! [Insert titillating recounting of a fairly standard smoking hot TheDominantGuy breathless encounter] He’s really hot… Me:I wouldn’t…
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The Master’s Voice.
In the midst of listening to my friend Midori conduct her most excellent class on “Aural Sex,†I had an epiphany and a small heartbreak. This is awkward when one is trying to simply listen and learn and absorb the teachings flowing through the moment. While she was describing how one might use the voice…
Read More“Race Play:” hitting the mainstream media…?
As a result of the fallout from Abiola Abrams most excellent column that dealt with non-consensual race play – in which I was quoted – I was contacted by The Grio, which is a pretty big deal news outlet geared towards African-Americans.  Or Blacks. Whichever you prefer. I’m all for brevity and I like saying “BLACK!” so I opt…
Read MoreLook, Mom! I got quoted in Essence!
I am sure my Mother will be tickled. We used to love reading Essence. As a kid, it was amazing to see a magazine that was for Black people that had Black models looking beautiful and talked about our lives. All-around Sensuality Guru Abiola Abrams does a column for them,(which is, apparently, cross-syndicated to Huffington Post!) and she quoted…
Read MoreMasters & Slaves & Love ~ Part One: Patrick Mulcahey’s Thoughts.
One of my friends who is also, secretly, someone I adore without boundary is Patrick Mulcahey. Not only is he one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met on pretty much any topic involving Leather and BDSM, he’s also someone who walks the walk and talks the talk and steps up to the plate on many issues that…
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Oooooo, Necomimi!
SO, yeah. I have wanted these Necomimi brainwave-influenced ears (I know. Shut UP!)  for a long while now but boy were they expensive for a fun toy. Then the Evil Wicked folks from The Violet Wand Store are here at Beat Me in Saint Louis, and they were HALF as much as they were last time I…
Read MoreSix Years Walking Sober.
Today, it has been six years and a day since I took my last drink. If you’re on FetLife, you can join today’s event if you’d like, and share in the virtual party :-D  It is an amazing walk thus far…bumps and bruises and loss and so many beautiful lessons I have learned. Most wonderfully, I…
Read MoreWhat You See Is NOT What You Get: or Why You Really Don’t See Me.
I love presenting on kink, teaching classes, and leading discussions. But not every day is me striding in there all “YEAH LET’S DO THIS!!†Some days, it is tough. And I feel shaky and not confident. One of the “tricks†I use when I am feeling insanely shy, my self-esteem is circling the drain or…
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Use me.
One of the most precious gifts I have received from the BDSM, Kink and Leather Confederations is, in fact, a double-edged sword. And that is freedom to be who I am. The thing is? It kind of helps if you know who the fuck you are before you go exercising that freedom. It also helps…
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I Am Featured in the New York Times.
My short, IMPACT, was selected to be a part of the opening night gala for the 10th Annual CineKink Festival! It was AWESOME to see it on the big screen again, and so fabulous to have Karen Taylor and Laura Antoniou and Lolita Wolf and Kelly Shibari all packed into the booth laughing and loving…
Read MoreNational Public Radio, Snap Judgement & Me!
I grew up listening to NPR as a kid. I have always been a fan and a contributor, even if it is just a few dollars during lean times. I have immense respect for radio by and for the people, sans massive corporate oversight. When Glynn Washington’s show Snap Judgement first hit, I wistfully wished I could,…
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Service. Every Day.
My memory is, on a good day, unreliable. On a bad day, it is achingly evocative, stunningly accurate, and capable of processing, it seems, every moment in my life in one breathtaking, eviscerating Technicolor swoop at the most inopportune moments. And the trains-of-thought it pulls…well. Seemingly random and yet cripplingly logical, I can go from…
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