Who’s Lynching Who?
It is not the first time that someone has been whipped into enough of a frenzy to excoriate me publicly. Years ago, when I was just talking about race play amongÂ Â a small group of people, and had only one class under my belt, I took this type of fuckery much more heavily.
Nowadays, I am mostly unruffled by such bullshit.
But today, it went down again, but with an extra twist: someone threatened violence.
Hopefully, this so-called class will fail miserably to attract even enough interest to cover the cost of presenting this abomination as “kink”.
Forced Black slavery = 60 million known deaths, Ethnic cleansing at the hands of the Nazis = 10 million known deaths, the European takeover of North American = uncalculated deaths that totaled the annihilation of multiple races and the loss forever of countless traditions and ways of life.
A really small segment of misguided people, attempting to seek justification in re-enacting that which the public has repeatedly rejected as far to painful, to far too many is again Â on a quest to show that anything is acceptable when it is defined as “kink”.
This response is written to assure that you are aware of those who will react in the extreme, to any such scenes played out in a public venue. While no one can deny the right of adults to do as they please in private as long as the acts are consensual and non injurious, no one should be dumb enough or uncaring enough to force this issue in a public venue.Â
For the record, I am one of those militant-minded individuals who will react violently to such a scene, should I to come upon one in public. All should be warned that I am not alone, as such would injure many and they will react most unpleasantly to such a scene.
It takes ovaries of steel, really, for me to do what I do andÂ I rarely give myself credit for this. The first time I taught the “race play”Â class at aÂ national event was Black Rose. Â I was very nervous. Â Afraid I’d be heckled, booed out of the venue.
However. The room was SRO packed andÂ filled with a broad spectrum (well, broad by Leather Community standards) ofÂ kinksters. All curious, all respectful, even when they differed in opinion.
This was gratifying because I’dÂ hadÂ my share of abuse heaped on my head. All of it from other POC.
I haven’t ever censored myself out of fear. Â I am not about to now. Â
Once I saw this message posted on a list associated with the Citadel, where I’ll be presenting my discussion on race play the day after tomorrow, I brought it to the attention of Phil, the Manager of the Citadel. Taking my concerns seriously, he called anÂ old friend of mine, Jay Wiseman, who is a good resource and cautious to a fault. Jay called me and calmed me down a bit. (Thanks dudes.)
Indeed, this is most likely posturing, and the threat wasn’t SPECIFICALLY against ME.
To be honest, I dont understand race play. I have never gone to a class but the idea doesnt hit my buttons nor does it sit well with alot of logic within my psyche.
Still, I withhold judgement. I am willing to erase what little knowledge I have and understand. While I dont know if I would find myself invited to such an event, my mind is open to recieve and make a better decision.
Anyhow, threats are never okay. Write in your blog how you feel, decide not to go to the class, talk to the owner of the venue and discuss it with them if it really squicks you BUT…
Dont threaten anyone! Period dot com
What up Kat…
Yanno, when I did the class for The Exiles, there was an e-mail sent encouraging a boycott and talking about how fucked up it was.
I’ve gone several rounds with people who have been very abusive of me, personally, about this issue.
But you are correct. There is a broad gap between speaking your mind and threatening people.
And of course you would be invited to my class. Anyone who can listen and participate with respect is invited.
It is extremely brave for you to do what you do, and I for one am glad that you are not going to censor yourself. I hope someday to see you present on this subject. (I wish I was able to be there this week!)
It is awful that violence and threats can come from within a community that has a common value of consent and whose members are frequently misunderstood by others as perpetrators of nonconsensual violence. I am not surprised by it (violence is in all communities, something I learned early in my work in victim services), but I do find it awful that folks would try to control your sexual expression through violence.
I am glad that you have support from the venue in working to increase your safety, and that you have community support. It gives me hope that you are getting this kind of support.
Hi Corey :-)
When it comes to controversy, the people who stick by you regardless of their opinion of your position are the ones you know you can trust.
It IS unsettling but true: there are as many idiots, bigots, ignorant fools and douchebags within as without the BDSM community. We are a microcosm, not a utopia.
But is still makes me feel a little less “safe” at home, you know?
Thank you for listening and for your support.
Well said, Mo. I think that all of us need to learn the microcosm-not-utopia lesson through our own experiences. Until that time comes, the desire to belong to a ‘tribe’ only increases our resistance to viewing that group through anything but the rosiest of lenses.
I truly believe that one never really knows who their friends are until they have weathered a crisis together. Only then will they discover who is worthy of their trust, who prefers to sit on the fence, and who would just as soon throw them under a bus should the going get awkward or embarrassing.
Safety in any so-called community is merely an illusion. Sadly, coming to terms with that hard cold reality is another one of those lessons that each person must learn for themselves.
I hope your class has a great turnout, Mo. I remember the first time you presented on race play, and found the class to be a very memorable experience.
Stay brave, and kick ass!
Most of WIITWD can and has caused death and lesser injuries throughout history.
Does the person who wrote that post use a whip? How many people have been whipped to death — not only slaves, but sailors and peasants who stepped over some invisible line drawn by the powers that be? Should we forbid whips in public dungeons?
Many people come into the scene after suffering emotional or physical abuse as children. Should we forbid Daddy Dom/baby girl and Mamma/baby boy dynamics because of the children who were traumatized by the abuse they suffered?
What about the D/s power exchange? Are we going to stop owning our slaves and submissives because slavery is wrong?
As someone who is a direct descendant of those who suffered at the hands of racists and who as a child was attacked because of my heritage, I find race play (especially Nazi play) difficult if not impossible to watch.
However, my personal dislike for that type of play does not require any public facility prevent such play from occurring. It only means that I probably should not watch such a scene.
I’ve taken your class to educate myself on the appeal of such play and it did help me understand. Just like take down or rape play, race play doesn’t really have anything in common with non consensual abuse. I admire your courage in continuing to teach the subject in face of such vitriol.
“I do not agree with a word you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it.” — FranÃ§ois-Marie Arouet aka Voltaire
I really appreciate your view. And that is part of the reason I am stringent in presenting the downside, negativity, risks and dangers inherent in this type of play each and every time I present. To the point of wondering, but the end, why I go there.
Which I only do very, very rarely.
There are some play-styles I find extremely problematic from a personal standpoint. However, as an instructor, lecturer, and Out Kinky Blogger, I refrain from vilifying THE PEOPLE who participate in that kind of play, and further I refrain from attacking the play in public. It isn’t fair, it isn’t cool, it isn’t consensual ;-)
I know not everyone agrees with me, and that is not what trips my trigger. Jugeent to the point of aggression DOES trgger me, and the glovescome off. You have lost the right to be treated with the respect I demonstrate, by default, to others.
Thank you for your post, and for listening without prejudice.
Hopefully the author of this missive who chooses to make vague threats of violence is aware that should they choose to take action of this kind in either a public or private space, they would quite probably be subject to a most unpleasant reaction from others around them.
..and if I’m around, they’re going to jail. :) None of this “banned for life from my party” bullshit.
I’m a militant too, just on the side of, yanno..that law thingy.
Part of me thinks that person should be outed so others know of their potential for criminal behavior, and the other part of me says that would just add to their street cred. Good for you Mo, for just shining it on.
Yeah, I am happy to provide access to the source of the post. I’m trying to avoid direct and blatant outing. However, should anyone need information on the person who wrote this, I am willing to point interested parties in the right direction.
But word on the streets is that this person isn’t well regarded in many circles. And this post underscores, most likely, several reasons why.
Thanks for the love. :-D
I think I know who this guy is (not personally, by reputation). If so, yeah, it’s not a threat against you personally, and very probably just posturing, but damn I wish someone would call him on his shit already. Somehow. If anything could get through short of a restraining order or jail time, that is. :P
Hi Lori …
Calling people on shit who have their ears filled with their own arrogance is, at best, a Quixotic adventure.
But I would hope that, as people who are closer to this individual knwo what they are about, the truth will out.
Honestly. I supposed “can’t we all fucking get along” is too much to ask. For as long as I have had the pleasure of knowing you, you have evoked images in my mind that challenge race as it is currently understood. It is a deep concept to consider but lets try: To deny ANYONE who can claim subjugation as their part of their heritage the open right to work through it is to insist that they just “live with it”. No can do. Those things that lurk in our psyche, ancestral memory and tribal rumblings have got to be let out into the light of day (or dark of dungeon as it were)if they are going to ever heal. and seriously, sticks and stones, bitches. Keep doing what you’re doing Mo.
You saved me a lot of grief today, dearest.
It is I who extends great Respect and Love to you, Mo. You take it on the chin for this very topic and have for as long as I have known you. I am very proud to champion what I believe is a healing if not revealing dialogue.
See…race play isn’t my kink. But y’know what? Neither is age play. Neither is breath play.
There are people that would look at the things I do and be horrified…bitten to the point of giant purple bruises all over? Needles through my flesh? Being beaten with various implements until I cry (or giggle)? Horror and moral outrage!!
You do good work, lady, and you did the right thing by calling the venue’s management.
This just underscores, for me, how much of an illusion “Community” can be…but hen also how powerful it is for m when people step up and help me through such difficult moments.
Thank you…your supportive words mean much more to me that I can say.
It sucks that some people have to be so small minded. My guess is though they were looking to polarize. I double dog dare them to try to interupt your scene in a public venue though. I have no doubt that they will have a swarm of individuals on their butt like flies to honey. Might be a fun beat down scene ;-).
To be honest, I would really be interested to see how people WOUDL react. It is very easy to be a bully online. But when you are in a real situation with real people, it is different.
The funny thing is, there have been times when people have been squicked “racially” by scene’s I have done that were not proscribed rave play scenes.
A Black woman being whipped by a white man will always freak some people out, no?
I had a whole other thing typed up to say but in a nutshell this is the kind of oh HAY CHECK OUT MAH BIG DICK posturing that flips my bitch switch.
This person has a.) no balls and b.) clearly no interest in doing anything other than making sure their opinion is the one to hear. They lack (apparently) the fucking brain cells to take a minute, reel it in and find -out- what you may or may not be up to.
I hate this sort of thing. Shows lack of respect and as I said no balls.
Not that the “OMG is this guy going to come find me??” has settled down, I realize that it really is a cowardly thing to do.
Race play = 0 fucking deaths.
I haven’t ever engaged in race play, and honestly it would be hard for me to do it. I would have to have a partner who was really into it and even then…I don’t know. I’m white. I’m from the south. I have racism inside of me that isn’t erotic for me but also keeps it from being just a little roleplay, I guess.
But guess what? Every fucking thing we do in the scene is related to something nasty in real life. Making people kneel and call you a title? Tying someone up and beating them? Telling someone they are nothing more than an object used for sex?
Every single one of those things is a part of all kinds of systems used to oppress, brutalize, exterminate, subjugate, etc., other human beings.
I really cannot begin to blame someone if they can’t tolerate seeing raceplay, and decide to look the other way, or even avoid public venues if it’s that upsetting. But people can be sensitive to anything, and I don’t see how race is any different from anything else.
Not one person has apologized to me when, at my 2nd or 3rd play party, I waled into a “Slave Auction” going on.
You know what? It freaked me out.
But I dealt with it.
I don[t like the idea that we can’t take care of ourselves IN THE BDSM COMMUNITY enough to disengage if you see something you don’t like.
You don’t get to be fucking Mighty Mouse up in my shit.
First, I gotta admire the steel spine you are putting forth on this one…takes a lot of guts. And as a Jew who has a thing for mean nordic looking guys in black boots, I can also say I can see how it could be uncomfortable to get up and discuss any sort of such thing in a room full of people, even in places where one would generally feel safe. I also think it is awesome that you are not backing down.
Good Luck, Mollena, I am rooting for you!
I REALLY appreciate the “rah Rahs”
With all of the naysaying, each and every bit of support I get is fucking gold.
Hm. I’m sorry I can’t come to the class. I’m sorry this person is a tremendous twat. Unfuck ’em.
Thank you Mama.
I wish I could attend one of your classes about this. I’ve toyed with race play in fantasy & that is most likely where it will forever reside.
I have much respect for your openness, your honesty & your courage to explore the very idea of this form of kink. That dumbass that posted his veiled threat is an abomination to perverts & is a fucking Fascist. He’s ready to go all militant on everybody in the room during a race play scene (because it’s not HIS definition of “kink”) but lacks the balls to post his comments in a more public forum with his name? That’s weak as hell.
Just keep on doin’ what ya doin’ Mo. The “community” will handle this guy & his kind…
Thanks, girl. I’m letting y’all be my strength, because it IS scary, no fucking shit.
[…] Mollena shares a letter she received in response to her workshops on race play. This response is written to assure that you are aware of those who will react in the extreme, to any such scenes played out in a public venue. While no one can deny the right of adults to do as they please in private as long as the acts are consensual and non injurious, no one should be dumb enough or uncaring enough to force this issue in a public venue. […]
I followed this link here from a friends comment on fetlife. I suppose its pedantic to start off by saying..WOW. but that is my first reaction.
The fact that someone thinks that its okay to threaten ANYONE in response to a consensual scene is what I can’t get over to start with. In a lifestyle that walks on the edge of so many razors and eroticses things that tend to be an affront to someone at the very least, I do understand a gut reaction of turning around and walking away from a scene. I do NOT understand, nor accept, someone making a choice to react to any consensual scene in such a manner.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I do not react violently to scenes that involve “littles” sexual play. As a matter of fact, I CHOOSE not to let it bother me. I choose to use WIITWD for healing those things in me.
Some will never understand. and they do not realize that THEY most likely are the things that they hate the most–wounded, closeminded, repressive.
hugs and huge respect to you for being you, and not letting anyone stop you!